Why Are Men So Lonely?

/ James Cole Abrams Therapy/
Why Are Men So Lonely?

When I was in grad school, I would often see a sight on campus that would stop me in my tracks: guys my age walking around holding hands as friends.  I’d seen guys hold hands before, as partners, but never platonically.  The guys in question were from Nepal, studying abroad here in America, and they explained to me that they simply didn’t have the same hang-ups as me and all of my male friends did - this was what friends did.  It was stunning to see, and I was beyond jealous of them for being able to connect like that.  I still am.

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The Waves Crash on the Shore and the Boat Alike

/ James Cole Abrams Therapy/
The Waves Crash on the Shore and the Boat Alike

The therapeutic relationship is unique: a one-sided-yet-authentic relationship which places the good of the client at the center of the work. By keeping ourselves out of the relationship while inviting all of our client into it, we therapists create a non-judgmental space where our clients can show the parts of themselves that they hide to the rest of the world. It is an intense experience, as we explore the most emotionally difficult parts of our clients’ lives while holding our own emotional ground. It’s a bit like the relationship between a lighthouse and a ship - we’re both in the same storm, but only one of us is lost at sea.

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History Schmistory

/ James Cole Abrams Therapy/
History Schmistory

From its very invention, therapy has been inextricably intertwined with personal history.  Freud began with a technique of free association designed to elicit hidden feelings his patients had towards their parents.  Though his writings are extensive, his basic theory is very graspable: people are ashamed and afraid of how they feel about their parents, so they’ll go to great, often destructive lengths to hide it. By this tenet, the next step writes itself; If you can get patients to say their secrets out loud, they’ll be cured of the burden of carrying them.  It made sense at the time. So much sense, in fact, that it has been carried forward to this day. But is it right?

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How To Break Out of Jail

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How To Break Out of Jail

As I sit here on president’s day, wondering what to do with myself now that my routine has been all disrupted, I can’t help but think of a previous client of mine.  This was when I was working with inmates, and this client, we’ll call him Jon, was very very much in jail.  He was locked up on extremely serious charges, most of which ended up being dropped, and had spent about a year in jail by the time we met each other.  We went on to work together for just over a year, and towards the end of our time together he was able to negotiate a deal that got him back into the community on probation with no felonies - this is the kind of plea-bargain windfall so rare it starts snitch rumors.  Yet, he chose to serve his probation time in jail...

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